To Confront or Not to Confront - That is the Question

I like to think I'm generally someone that others can easily relate to and get along with. I enjoy meeting new people and try my best to impress. I am also way too concerned with the way people view me so I probably worry about making friends a little too much, but then again, I also sincerely like people and want to surround myself with them. Unforunately, there are a few individuals in my life that have some kind of issue with me. A completely confident person would probably just shake this off and realize people like this really shouldn't matter to me, but for some reason, I often spend much more energy trying to 'fix' these relationships than I do nurturing the relationships I truly care about with those who really are important to me. It's quite the vicious cycle!

How does this relate to work? Currently, there is one co-worker who I just cannot impress and I truly don't understand. It relates to my role or lack there of - this employee works countless hours and believes she is not properly compensated or valued for all the hard work she does so I believe when she sees me punching the clock at 4:30 before I fall asleep with my head on the keyboard, she immediately looks at me like I serve no purpose and when I get things like a laptop before she does or when I have any time with her boss she looks at me like I'm the scum of the Earth. Granted, I'm assuming these things, but after several staredowns and comments, I think it's safe to say I'm on the right track.

Today for example, I was in her boss's office helping him with a problem and she walked over to his open door and gave me one of her famous 'you are the dumbest person I know' looks so I turned to him and casually said, I have more to discuss with you, but you have people waiting to talk to you, so I'll come back. NO RUDE TONE INTENTIONED (and to my belief, no tone given). She didn't skip a beat with her comment, 'we are NOT people'. Ok, what? This was unexpected and I wasn't sure how to react - not to mention this came right on the heels of a customer reaming me out for something I didn't do. I was shaking, but rather than confront her, I simply said 'Come on...I mean there are people on your team waiting to talk to you' and walked away shaking. Should I have confronted her when she returned to her desk? Part of me really wishes I would have, but the other part of me wonders how that would have solved the problem. I am NOT afraid of confrontation, but I cannot stand when it causes me to feel worse aobut the situation and doesn't provide a solution. There are so many times I bring up my opinion and immediately feel even worse after the other person comes back with his or her defense.

Oh people...I love them, but they certainly can challenge me from time to time.

Venting - Road to a Solution?

I don't know about you, but when I'm frustrated, the first think I want to do is vent to any willing listener. Since I left the company I was at for 8 years, I've yet to find co-workers I can truly trust and depend on again so it's not an easy task at work. Unfortunately, I then turn to my husband who, bless his heart, just isn't the perfect resource for this. He either tells me work is just work and I need to worry more about my family, ignores me because he dislikes the personal negativity that sometimes coincides with the venting or just listens providing no feedback. I suppose this means the only way I'd be satisfied is if he completely agreed with everything I said. So if I don't feel fulfilled after letting out my frustrations to him, I generally turn to my mom because let's face it, aren't your parents supposed to be the most supportive people on your life? Well, my mom, bless HER heart, tries her best. However, she was a teacher and then has held various administration assistant type positions - very worthy experience, don't get me wrong, but she has difficulty relating to me. If you are a Friends fan, I liken it to Chandler - no one really knows what he does or can explain it to others. So, my mom listens to me very patiently, tries her best to understand and then attempts to come up with solutions to my complaints.

Yesterday, after hanging up with my husband, I promptly called my mom and once again, she was completely supportive and thoughtful, but her answer was for me to start over with a whole new direction. I agreed with her to a point, but then when I went home, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't want to start over. Although it's quite a lofty expectation to ask a 17 year old barely ready to leave high school to make the life altering decision of choosing a major, I am pleased with my degrees and certifications. I just have to figure out a way to make them work...and I will. Someday my mom will be able to explain to her friends what it is that her middle daughter does!

I believe my biggest issue is not correctly assessing my background to select the positions that best fit me. I've had quite a few interviews and I know I look good on paper and can easily answer any behavioral question or provide examples of how I've led teams or dealt with difficult people. I just don't go after the RIGHT jobs, rather, I just tell the interviewers that I can take on any challenge. My goal next time is to make the hiring manager want me on their team for specific reasons MORE than I want to be on the team. It's time to take some control and although easier said than done, I think possible.

No Mischievous Agenda - I Swear!

I would like to write this in permanent ink across my forehead! It's quite ridiculous that employees are programmed to think this way - maybe because they actually do have their own personal negative agenda, but what happened to being a positive member of the team? I don't know about you, but I recall MANY situations throughout school where I was forced to work in teams even though I would have rather wrote my own book summary than count on the student who barely knew his own name. However, I thought that experience was to prepare us for working in teams in our careers as adults. I learned how to handle many different personalities and communication styles - didn't we all? Hell, we learn to share as early as toddler age when our siblings have snacks we want to partake in eating! I have no agenda other than to improve myself and help to create a successful organziation. Why do others have these crazy agendas and believe every employee is out to ruin the careers of their teammates? Are we really all inclined to only look out for ourselves and if so, does that really allow us a leg up on our competition? If this is truly the case, how sad and it is very difficult for someone with my make-up to fully comprehend.

Looking Busy - quite a feat!

I have mastered the art of 'looking busy', but it's got to be one of the most frustrating tasks to accomplish. I am not one to just waste time if I have work to accomplish, but when there is nothing on my plate except open tasks I've created for myself, the only thing I can do is master the art of looking busy.

It's not easy to pull up documents that you can attempt to 'work' on - especially when you are working with a double screen situation! You have to open one document on the left screen and one that is relevant and hopefully related to the other on the right screen. If you look up something on the internet to waste time, you have to shrink the browser and be ready to quickly close it should your boss actually be ready to delegate a purposeful assignment to you. It is such a shame that my two college degrees, two certificates and over 10 years of experience have mainly taught me these things.

I will never understand why I can't find a postition where I can actually utilize my skills and finally stop focusing on 'looking busy'. I'd actually BE busy! It's interesting how many people around me find they can't even take a water break, let alone figure out how to discreetlly perform an internet search. I wish I knew their secret!